Come home to yourself.

I've really been through it. Spent most of my life feeling more stuck than you can possibly imagine;

owned by my fears, frustrations and pain. I felt so much possibility wanting to emerge from within but I resisted it, so it became poison and ate me up.

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Looking for answers, I began to explore healing modalities, alternative philosophies and spirituality. I tried homeopathy, acupuncture, became obsessed with nutrition (including training in HTMA).

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I began meditating and seeing energy healers, sound healers, breath workers, bodyworkers and exploring all kinds of 'inner work'. I worked with a wonderful therapist.

 

I went to workshops and in Reiki, explored Sound Therapy and received some tutoring in Craniosacral Therapy.  I developed my own philosophies and techniques, began developing my own approach to healing, and tutored at The College of Psychic Studies in London. 

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It was a fruitful time, and many of these things helped, but I was still frozen, unhappy, and I felt incapable of living the life I longed for.

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I worked harder and harder and harder as my desperation grew, until, eventually, I just couldn't do it anymore. I literally couldn't. I had exhausted every last drop of will, and I collapsed.

 

I withdrew from life completely. Everything hit me in one go: All the pain; the grief; the heartbreak; the starving isolation; the infinite depth of my unfulfilled yearning and the searing frustration of unexpressed creativity. 

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I was utterly destroyed by it. Shattered to pieces. Rendered barely capable of functioning. But it was a necessary destruction, and, amidst the rubble, I found what I'd really been searching for all along: Myself. 

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How typical of life that it only happened once I'd stopped looking! 

 

I discovered a new sense of calm which prevailed regardless of fluctuating emotions or external circumstances. And I became much more gentle with myself. I rested here for a time, but eventually realised I still had to follow what I was inspired to create in my outer life.

 

This hasn't been easy either - and it is still, as it always will be, a work in progrees. But I have accepted that there is no other way than to keep moving forwards through my fears, defence mechanisms, and the outer challenges which arise as I do so.

 

In this way I started to experience an inkling of what true freedom feels like. This isn't to say that everything is easy now - not at all! But I do see more clearly, and I have found what I was searching for inside. 

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My own journey, more than anything else, has equipped me with the capacity to help others find themselves, free themselves, and move towards what makes their hearts sing.

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Yes, it's a lot - but's it's more worth it than can be expressed in words. If you'd like me to walk beside you for a time, there's nothing which would mean more to me than to do so.